i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
