you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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