You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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