This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
