Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
