Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Randomize
