My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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