I am puke
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
