I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I have aggressive nipples.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
