I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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