i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
