I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
