woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
When are your genitals available?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
