is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
there was a trapeze. enough said
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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