Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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