after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
