While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My vagina just recognized that song.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
