We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
