If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
