i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
