I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
