i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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