You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
