k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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