i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
