I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
