It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
