We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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