Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
