Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
