Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
