What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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