i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
