she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
