We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
