oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
