I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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