he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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