The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
