I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
