idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
