You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
