When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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