Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
