please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
