AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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