it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
