I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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