...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
