Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
