Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
