My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
