When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
