Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
