if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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