maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
