so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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