Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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