Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
